I am a sinner

Yes, I will admit it.  I am a sinner, a hypocrit, a horrible mom and everything else. 

Some days are horrible.  Well actually it has been a bad week.  But today was the culmination of the week for me.  Chris has been so stressed over completing the work on the airplane that it is spreading like a terrible weed through our family. Well he finished the work and had to rush to get ready to fly to georgetown to get some supplies.  Well when he leaves in a rush like that, the kids get extra anxious and so do I. 

My little Cara was feeling it extra today and corey had no working ears today and was teasing his sister horribly.  Cara finally got mad and bit him. I just lost it. I spanked her, and put her on her bed and then got the hot stuff for her mouth to remind her not to bite.  Ugh... luckily the day didn't get worse.  But it didn't get much better.

Except my good friend from the village walked here and made me her special curry and taught me how to make bake.  She is a dear friend. 

Something I am learning is that no day will be good on this earth.  Not unless I am under God each and every moment. Yes I had my devotions this morning.  But that doesn't keep long.  No the devil just likes to attack.  Especially when there is extra stress like there has been all week. 

Please oh please God draw me close to you and keep wispering in my ear to ask you what to do.  Keep reminding me to remain under you.

I am ready for the peaceful days of heaven.  I'm ready for this stress and anxiety to be done.  I'm ready to be around people who truly love others like my friend from the village does.

Please God help me to endure till you come to take us home. Change my spirit and make me like you.

New Year New Goal: Heaven

It is 1:30 am here in Guyana.  I can't sleep. My husband and son woke me up as Chris was helping him to the bathroom.  Now I can't get bavk to sleep.  I have so many thoughts going around in my head.  They call it insomnia. I call it crazy anxiety.  But that doesn't matter.  What does matter is that God has been speaking to me and I just want to share my journey from last year and encourage you. 

Every new year I write goals.  Things I  want to do, how I want to improve, some of them include spending time with God.  Others about how I want to parent or learn Spanish and sign language.  But really those are such insignificant goals.  I have been really focusing on spending more time with God.  Yes that means less time doing other stuff.  More time in the Word.  I have been. So blessed that to hold it in is sad and it hurts my head.  God does not call us and teach us things just to keep them to ourselves.  No he actually calls us and teaches us and then says, "Go and Teach others what I have taught you. Help them to learn to walk with me as you are."  I am NOT perfect.  In fact I am so far from perfect that at times I call myself a hypocrit. Sadly it is so truthful it hurts.  But in pain we learn to be different.  That is my goal.  To be so different that God is calling me his faithful one.  That my children are wanting to be like God and be faithful and obedient to Him. That my husband is at peace and walking along side me as we make our way to the Holy City. 

This last year we have struggled.  We have changed, we have endured.  We are ready for a break.  But our ultimate goal is Heaven. 

Please come along side us.  Along side me and hear my story.  Listen to where I've been and then listen to where God is calling you.  Life here on this earth is all about learning to listen to God, trust in Him and to help others do the same.  For if we can't do that here, we will hate being in heaven.

I don't know how often I'll share as there are days that I even struggle to survive.  But if you would like to listen and see where God has led me and where he might be calling you.  Please sign up for my blog. 

Many Blessings and may we all meet in heaven on the banks of the glass sea. So that we can praise our Father in Heaven together. 

Crystal